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Essay correction

Joined
12/13/10
Messages
12
Points
11
Hi,
I am applying for MS in Finance at Purdue University. Help is needed to correct the essay wherever required, where word limit is 500.


Question:
Describe a major obstacle you have faced in your professional, academic, or personal life. How did you overcome this obstacle? How did this experience foster your personal and/or professional development? Limit your response to no more than 500 words.

Answer:

“You don’t have the competency people show with your grades” my professor scolded me; I was in my 11th grade, in the Mathematics class while he was teaching two dimensional geometry(2D). I had always been good in Mathematics throughout my school. My Mathematics teachers loved me and exemplified me in front of my juniors. Indeed I always topped in the class. When I entered 11th grade I was pretty confident about my skills in Mathematics. I did well initially in my class exams. I took for granted that I am always better than my fellow students and I can’t have any problem in understanding concepts that my friends can understand. This feeling of overconfidence in Mathematics got into my head so much that I practiced little and even when I did I jumped to next question as I got closer to the answer neglecting the importance of any hidden concepts. Consequently I fared poorly in following Mathematics exams. I thought I would make it up in next exams. My marks fluctuated but couldn’t score high as I was earlier. This angered my teacher as he had high expectations from me. He started warning me about my performance, but I didn’t take it that seriously as I thought I have acquired all concepts. But his anger burst one day when I asked fundamental questions on an already taught 2D topic. He yelled severely at me. When the class ended I headed up to home, took one of the difficult Math book from our prescribed syllabus and started solving 2D questions as i had been questioned about my minimum competency in something as close to my heart as Mathematics. But it was shocking for me as I couldn’t pull medium difficult questions. I thought by studying more examples I could understand all concepts without studying it from the literature of that topic. All my efforts went in vain. I got demoralized thinking about . Moreover I became afraid of Mathematics as I was more unable to answer questions. I didn’t touch Mathematics book for few days. But I couldn’t remain away from this. All over I started again but this time it wasn’t just for marks but to save my personal esteem. I wanted to prove myself I couldn’t go wrong in something like Mathematics I was good at. I started studying literature of all topics and solved easy questions without seeing its answer. With each passing day I gained confidence even though I was still behind few of my mates but with the speed I had acquired I came to their level before final exam and even I topped among my peers in the final mathematics exam.

This was a learning experience for me. Life is full of ups and down, everyone should learn to accept failures which are critical to the development of oneself. It continues to be a learning process. Only after I found out I had become weak in Mathematics I started working out my skills. At the same time one should always measure oneself with eyes and ears open. At the same time one shouldn’t get afraid of something and get disheartened because of failure. With proper planning and perseverance everything is achievable. Also I learnt Confidence is good but overconfidence blocks learning process and makes one self stubborn. If you have some skill you need to protect and improve it by making consistent efforts. Practice makes one perfect. I got back my confidence in mathematics and till date I am continuing to excel in it.
--missed flow and proper words and also 500 word limit
 
Having trouble with geometry your junior year of high school is a major obstacle? Also the grammar is frankly too much too fix... use Microsoft Word please!

Also, I might be wrong here but is it really a good idea to emphasize that you're a junior taking 2-Dimensional Geometry? Shouldn't you have been taking calculus by then...
 
Hi euroazn,

Yeah you are right but i want to let you know that it was advanced version. The most important fact is that it is a true incident so i wrote it.

I have attached the document. Could you please have a look and advise required changes to be made ?
 

Attachments

  • Purdue MS Finance Essays2.doc
    84.5 KB · Views: 15
"Practice and hard work pay off" isn't really that insightful. I would think of a better topic.
 
I asked for recommendations on any professional essay writing services that you might have tried.
 
Oh. Sorry mate. I can get you in touch with my education counsellor. Do you want me to PM you his email address?
 
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