how to communicate effectively with team

[stucash]

Hi,

I am a recent grad currently working in an investment bank. I want to ask something about how to effectively communicate with people.

When I normally communicate and discuss something with my team, it was a bit hard for me to get involved and contribute my ideas; sometimes I do find that my ideas in the first place came out to be the right idea that the team finally chose.

English is not my mother tongue, but I do speak good English and I can communicate and express myself most of the time clearly, apart from some circumstances where the things I was trying to explain was too complicated and I ran out of my vocabulary and can’t put myself into good structure.

To me it is not about understanding; I think it is about respect and how to raise people’s attention to what you are going to say. I have been struggling to get people listen to me, which made me don’t want to talk even more. This really stressed me out.

I really need your helps guys, I want to hear what you are going to say, when your team members tend to be:

-- Focus on his own words and not pay smallest attention to what you say (even if don’t understand you not even bothered to ask you to explain a bit more);

-- Too aggressive and go ahead with his own idea which is proved wrong finally

-- How to communicate effectively in the first place to grab people’s attention.

I would really appreciate your help and I hope to hear you experiences regarding this kind of problem.

I am happy to provide more information, again Thank you very much guys.

 

[bigbadwolf]

To me it is not about understanding; I think it is about respect and how to raise people’s attention to what you are going to say. I have been struggling to get people listen to me, which made me don’t want to talk even more. This really stressed me out.

I really need your helps guys, I want to hear what you are going to say, when your team members tend to be:

-- Focus on his own words and not pay smallest attention to what you say (even if don’t understand you not even bothered to ask you to explain a bit more);

-- Too aggressive and go ahead with his own idea which is proved wrong finally

-- How to communicate effectively in the first place to grab people’s attention.

Americans in general are not patient and attentive listeners. It's all, "Me, me, me, I, I, I, shut the f*ck up, me, me, me." There's no way of "grabbing their attention," and if there is, it'll be with something that doesn't matter. The attention span and alert and thoughtful listening aren't there. And it's even worse if you speak with an accent and haven't fluent command of the vernacular.

 

[IntoDarkness]

unfortunately ur english sux ass and theres no short cut to improve it. the most effective way for getting over it is to try to speak like everybody else - interupt them as soon as u have something to say, dont be afraid to raise concerns over other ppl's ideas, practice to smash complex concepts into a sweet compact manner, reinforce ur idea's correctness and robustness whenever possible, and make sure taking as much credit as not pissing ppl off too much

 

[Nabih]

I think you need better personal relation with your team, doing vacation or some lunch together can make your team more solid. Your team are educated people, right! They can be more patient and respectful if you respect with them first.

 

[stucash]

Americans in general are not patient and attentive listeners. It's all, "Me, me, me, I, I, I, shut the f*ck up, me, me, me." There's no way of "grabbing their attention," and if there is, it'll be with something that doesn't matter. The attention span and alert and thoughtful listening aren't there. And it's even worse if you speak with an accent and haven't fluent command of the vernacular.

Thanks Wolf, although not quite a direct answer but did make real sense. Actually in really life American people generally are more considerate than British (I am based in London) when you talk to them and if you want to make a point, they might be impatient but you see the respect somehow (with due respect to UK people). American traders and bankers tend to be more aggressive and shut your f**k up all the time however I still can sense some reason behind this (like, they have made their point clear enough), but British bankers (even junior analyst) overall tend to talk too much contextual message and tend to be more polite but showing you lower than equivalent respect compared to the politeness (or you could say just being stuck up really). I prefer American style of being straight you could eff me in my face but I still can make my point, this way we are communicating; British style is like killing you softly and silently, leaving you wanna say what the f**

 

[stucash]

I think you need better personal relation with your team, doing vacation or some lunch together can make your team more solid. Your team are educated people, right! They can be more patient and respectful if you respect with them first.

Thanks Nabih, they are all good people, in a normal sense, normal way; I got on well with them as well; but probably cultural difference? can't quite communicate effectively. I am sure I have shown my respect first.

 

[bigbadwolf]

Ah, based in London. A whole different kettle of fish. Fluent command of English is only a small component -- there's cultural context and nuanced facial expressions and body language. Accent is important as well -- "received pronunciation" (aka "home counties whine").

 

[stucash]

unfortunately ur english sux ass and theres no short cut to improve it. the most effective way for getting over it is to try to speak like everybody else - interupt them as soon as u have something to say, dont be afraid to raise concerns over other ppl's ideas, practice to smash complex concepts into a sweet compact manner, reinforce ur idea's correctness and robustness whenever possible, and make sure taking as much credit as not pissing ppl off too much

Thank you intoDarkness, making some real sense, I do need to practise a lot, like you said. And also I am happy if you could point out my errors in my Enlish so I am able to see how my english sux ass; I am not taking a piss, just really seeking a bit more advice.

 

[bigbadwolf]

Get a small notebook and put down five new words and expressions every day. Use them. Subscribe to London Review of Books. Read it. And remember there's no one English. British English differs from American English and the English spoken in England varies by class and region.

 

[IntoDarkness]

suxing ass means the ability to effectively express ur thoughts in higher level. and im not sure if wat i just wrote applies to uk. i heard its usually considered rude to interupt other ppl's talk in london

 

[Fer Carranza]

Hi,

I am a recent grad currently working in an investment bank. I want to ask something about how to effectively communicate with people.

When I normally communicate and discuss something with my team, it was a bit hard for me to get involved and contribute my ideas; sometimes I do find that my ideas in the first place came out to be the right idea that the team finally chose.

English is not my mother tongue, but I do speak good English and I can communicate and express myself most of the time clearly, apart from some circumstances where the things I was trying to explain was too complicated and I ran out of my vocabulary and can’t put myself into good structure.

To me it is not about understanding; I think it is about respect and how to raise people’s attention to what you are going to say. I have been struggling to get people listen to me, which made me don’t want to talk even more. This really stressed me out.

I really need your helps guys, I want to hear what you are going to say, when your team members tend to be:

-- Focus on his own words and not pay smallest attention to what you say (even if don’t understand you not even bothered to ask you to explain a bit more);

-- Too aggressive and go ahead with his own idea which is proved wrong finally

-- How to communicate effectively in the first place to grab people’s attention.

I would really appreciate your help and I hope to hear you experiences regarding this kind of problem.

I am happy to provide more information, again Thank you very much guys.

Hey stucash, I think your errors are minor, although they are there. I mean, it's not perfect, but you can perfectly get your point across. It's not like people are not going to know what you are saying. You are going to find the a-hole who says he can't understand what you are saying, but that's not the norm.

But since you are asking for help:

When I normally communicate and discuss something with my team, it was a bit hard for me to get involved and contribute my ideas; sometimes I do find that my ideas in the first place came out to be the right idea that the team finally chose.

Here you are mixing tenses. You are doing present and past. It should be 'it is a bit hard for me to get involved.' You are also using 'ideas' and 'idea' which should not be done. Stick to plural or singular.


English is not my mother tongue, but I do speak good English and I can communicate and express myself most of the time clearly, apart from some circumstances where the things I was trying to explain was too complicated and I ran out of my vocabulary and can’t put myself into good structure.

Again, mixing past and present. Also 'express myself clearly most of the time' or 'most of the time express myself clearly' because clearly is referring to expressing yourself so it needs to be next to it for context, to put it in baby words.

-- Focus on his own words and not pay smallest attention to what you say (even if don’t understand you not even bothered to ask you to explain a bit more);

-- Too aggressive and go ahead with his own idea which is proved wrong finally.

Focused on his own words and not paying the smallest attention to what you say/are saying (even if they don't understand you, they don't bother to ask you to explain)

Too aggressive and go ahead with their own ideas which finally are proved wrong/are proved wrong, finally.

Again, minor things that you'll get with time.

And when people don't listen, you have to make them respect you. That's something that's earned, you can't fight for it.
Everyone has to 'pay an entry fee' and people higher up or longer tenured are charging their fee which is not listening to you.
I knew someone in high school who had the thickest accent, did not like reading in class because people would make fun of him, but he got straight A's in class because he studied while people failed, even though English was their first language. Eventually, the other people respected him because he came from abroad and was succeeding despite the adversity.

 

[IntoDarkness]

gramma chief at work...

 

[Fer Carranza]

grammar*

 

[bigbadwolf]

i heard its usually considered rude to interupt other ppl's talk in london

It works both ways in England. It's rude to interrupt because English people have something to say and then go quiet. Americans continue droning on interminably (and usually to no purpose), and are utterly oblivious to body language that indicates you want to say something. So unless you interrupt, you can't get a word in edgeways.

 

[stucash]

gramma chief at work...

Hi Thanks for the explanation I am a bit confused; when I googled sux ass, urban dictionary referred it as describe something very bad; I couldn't see a definition similar to the one you gave me for 'sux ass' ? Did I miss something?

 

[stucash]

Hey stucash, I think your errors are minor, although they are there. I mean, it's not perfect, but you can perfectly get your point across. It's not like people are not going to know what you are saying. You are going to find the a-hole who says he can't understand what you are saying, but that's not the norm.

But since you are asking for help:

When I normally communicate and discuss something with my team, it was a bit hard for me to get involved and contribute my ideas; sometimes I do find that my ideas in the first place came out to be the right idea that the team finally chose.

Here you are mixing tenses. You are doing present and past. It should be 'it is a bit hard for me to get involved.' You are also using 'ideas' and 'idea' which should not be done. Stick to plural or singular.


English is not my mother tongue, but I do speak good English and I can communicate and express myself most of the time clearly, apart from some circumstances where the things I was trying to explain was too complicated and I ran out of my vocabulary and can’t put myself into good structure.

Again, mixing past and present. Also 'express myself clearly most of the time' or 'most of the time express myself clearly' because clearly is referring to expressing yourself so it needs to be next to it for context, to put it in baby words.

-- Focus on his own words and not pay smallest attention to what you say (even if don’t understand you not even bothered to ask you to explain a bit more);

-- Too aggressive and go ahead with his own idea which is proved wrong finally.

Focused on his own words and not paying the smallest attention to what you say/are saying (even if they don't understand you, they don't bother to ask you to explain)

Too aggressive and go ahead with their own ideas which finally are proved wrong/are proved wrong, finally.

Again, minor things that you'll get with time.

And when people don't listen, you have to make them respect you. That's something that's earned, you can't fight for it.
Everyone has to 'pay an entry fee' and people higher up or longer tenured are charging their fee which is not listening to you.
I knew someone in high school who had the thickest accent, did not like reading in class because people would make fun of him, but he got straight A's in class because he studied while people failed, even though English was their first language. Eventually, the other people respected him because he came from abroad and was succeeding despite the adversity.

This is really impressive. Thank you very much for your detailed answer. I really appreciated! And thanks for the story as well. I will sit down study the errors you pointed out. I totally agreed that respect is something you earn over time.

I think I simply got stressed out by these things; the answer to this post is actually straight forward; I think for a brief moment, I somehow lost my faith in myself; I once believed that I can do it and I am capable of living the life I desire; but I gradually lost my confidence, somehow; there might be objective reasons out there I need to factor in, but I always examine myself first to see what I've done wrong.

Faith is all I need..

 

[stucash]

Get a small notebook and put down five new words and expressions every day. Use them. Subscribe to London Review of Books. Read it. And remember there's no one English. British English differs from American English and the English spoken in England varies by class and region.

Wolf I think this will definitely help, I will do this from tomorrow on. I do realise people speak in different ways in different region; but I couldn't really tell the way people of different classes speak English; but I think this is something I need to learn as well. Thank you for your practical advice Wolf, I will write things down, use them daily and subscribe to London Review of Books and read it.

 

[Daniel Duffy]

On a lighter side what about King Charles

'I speak Spanish to God, Italian to Women, French to Men, and German to my Horse."

 

[Daniel Duffy]

unfortunately ur english sux ass and theres no short cut to improve it. the most effective way for getting over it is to try to speak like everybody else - interupt them as soon as u have something to say, dont be afraid to raise concerns over other ppl's ideas, practice to smash complex concepts into a sweet compact manner, reinforce ur idea's correctness and robustness whenever possible, and make sure taking as much credit as not pissing ppl off too much

dont -> don't or do not
there's
Begin each sentence with a capital letter.

You are giving bad example. Shame on you.

 

[Daniel Duffy]

suxing ass means the ability to effectively express ur thoughts in higher level. and im not sure if wat i just wrote applies to uk. i heard its usually considered rude to interupt other ppl's talk in london

Capital letters.