The 7 Laws of Bonuses

[DominiConnor]

Here are 7 Rules of bonuses I have observed, there may be more, any suggestions ?

• Law Zero

Everyone lies about their bonus

• First Law

Your bonus is a function of how much they want you to stay based upon your performance and the market, and nothing else at all. It is not a reward.

• Second Law

Anything that is not seen by the P&L, your boss or compliance does not exist.

• Third Law

There is no such thing as a guaranteed bonus. At best you have some legal ammunition when the bank tries to shaft you and they have bigger lawyers.

• Fourth Law

Any change in your bonus scheme suggest by the bank is solely for the benefit of the bank.

• Fifth Law

The terms ?don?t worry, we?ll take X into account when calculating your bonus? and ?we?ll ignore X? are operationally equal.

• Sixth Law

No reason given for the level of your bonus can be assumed to be true.

 

[Andy Nguyen]

The first rule of bonus is: you do not talk about bonus.

 

[Joy Pathak]

The first rule of bonus is: you do not talk about bonus.

This is definitely the first rule of bonus which is almost always broken and leads to nothing but problems.

 

[MSFHQ]

Expect nothing and you will never be disappointed

 

[DominiConnor]

Is a refinement of this "don't get caught talking about bonuses ?"

 

[KaiRu]

It's more like - you can talk about bonuses but you don't initiate the talks.