Bastian Gross
German Mathquant
- Joined
- 1/2/08
- Messages
- 188
- Points
- 28
-
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Math quant jokes
- Thread starter woody
- Start date
Sanket Patel
i do stuff
- Joined
- 3/4/08
- Messages
- 543
- Points
- 28
For those who picked up on the Horatio Caine bit: "Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
- Joined
- 5/2/06
- Messages
- 11,751
- Points
- 273
Investment bank Dog competition:
A researcher, a risk manager and a trader each bring a dog to a competition.
The first one to display is the researcher's dog. The researcher brought a bottle of milk a bowl and placed it all on the floor. Then he commanded the dog to take the bottle and pour the milk into the bowl until the maximum amount it could hold. And that is exactly what his dog did.
The second one to display is the risk manager's dog. The risk manager's brought a bottle of milk a bowl and placed it all on the floor. Then he commanded the dog to take the bottle and pour the milk into the bowl until two thirds of the maximum it could hold and without spilling any milk during the whole process. And that is exactly what his dog did.
The third one to display is the trader's dog. The trader did not bring anything other than the dog. Then he commanded the dog to do what he taught. The dog stands up and walks in the direction of each one of the bowls and drinks all the milk.
A researcher, a risk manager and a trader each bring a dog to a competition.
The first one to display is the researcher's dog. The researcher brought a bottle of milk a bowl and placed it all on the floor. Then he commanded the dog to take the bottle and pour the milk into the bowl until the maximum amount it could hold. And that is exactly what his dog did.
The second one to display is the risk manager's dog. The risk manager's brought a bottle of milk a bowl and placed it all on the floor. Then he commanded the dog to take the bottle and pour the milk into the bowl until two thirds of the maximum it could hold and without spilling any milk during the whole process. And that is exactly what his dog did.
The third one to display is the trader's dog. The trader did not bring anything other than the dog. Then he commanded the dog to do what he taught. The dog stands up and walks in the direction of each one of the bowls and drinks all the milk.
- Joined
- 1/13/11
- Messages
- 1,362
- Points
- 93
• Two people are flying in a hot air balloon and realize they are lost. They see a man on the ground, so they navigate the balloon to where they can speak to him. They yell to him, “Can you help us – we’re lost.” The man on the ground replies, “You’re in a hot air balloon, about two hundred feet off the ground.” One of the people in the balloon replies to the man on the ground, “You must be an actuary. You gave us information that is accurate, but completely useless.” The actuary on the ground yells to the people in the balloon, “You must be in marketing.” They yell back, “yes, how did you know?” The actuary says,” well, you’re in the same situation you were in before you talked to me, but now it’s my fault.”
- Joined
- 1/13/11
- Messages
- 1,362
- Points
- 93
• Q: How many accountants does it take to find the present value of an annuity?
A: Three. One to determine the amount of each payment, one to figure out which account to put the answer in, and one to go ask a quant how to calculate it.
• All the functions of x are at a party. They are all having fun, dancing and mingling except exp(x). Exp(x) is standing alone in the corner looking miserable. The other functions notice this and approach him they ask him “exp(x) why don’t you integrate with us?” and he replied “because it makes no difference!”
A: Three. One to determine the amount of each payment, one to figure out which account to put the answer in, and one to go ask a quant how to calculate it.
• All the functions of x are at a party. They are all having fun, dancing and mingling except exp(x). Exp(x) is standing alone in the corner looking miserable. The other functions notice this and approach him they ask him “exp(x) why don’t you integrate with us?” and he replied “because it makes no difference!”